


Little Moments

by mggislife2789



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: F/M, Loss, Love Confessions, Reader-Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-06
Updated: 2018-08-06
Packaged: 2019-06-22 13:50:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15583353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mggislife2789/pseuds/mggislife2789
Summary: Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters or their original stories. This is only for fun. It's where my brain goes after the credits roll. No copyright intended. Better safe than sorry. ;)





	Little Moments

“What the hell were you thinking?” He yelled as they stormed back into their apartment.

She did not feel like getting the lecture tonight. Not from him. “Enough, Spencer. I’m not discussing this anymore.”

She’d made a tactical decision. Yes, it had put her life in danger, but that was the job and she would do it again in a heartbeat. She’d probably make a similar decision within the week. “I’m not done!” He yelled, slamming the door behind him before peeling his coat off and angrily shaking it off and onto the floor. In all their years together, as friends then lovers, she’d never seen him this mad before. Little swirls of hair were matted to his forehead by sweat and his muscles shook with each word. “You disobeyed a direct order! Hotch wants to kill you!”

“Hotch wanted all the victims out alive and that wouldn’t have happened had I not made the decision I made! Fuck orders!”

Spencer’s eyes bore holes into the woman he loved. He, Hotch, JJ and Emily had been sent in, specifically because the risk of losing the entire BAU had been too great. If he’d seen her enter the house a moment sooner, he would’ve completely lost focus and then who knows what would’ve happened. “Don’t do that again,” he seethed, yanking on his tie. It was too hot in this apartment and the anger wasn’t helping. “I can’t lose you.”

“That’s the job, Spencer,” she spat back. She never called him Spencer. It was always Spence. “It’s what we do. This is exactly what I didn’t want when we started dating.” This is what she’d always been afraid of. Both of them loved their jobs and the last thing they wanted was for anything to change. “I told you that I wouldn’t change my life for you, I would only welcome you in.”

“I’m not saying that anything has to change, I’m saying you shouldn’t disobey a direct order and put yourself in needless danger,” he huffed. “It’s like you have a death wish!” He turned his back on her and slammed the door, leaving her to tap her foot against the floor. 

“Fine,” she muttered to herself. If he was going to act like a child and just stop talking, she wasn’t about to stick around. With a quick flick of her arm, she slipped her coat back on and headed out the door. She’d come back when he was done throwing a temper tantrum.

——

The moment he slammed the bedroom door, he knew he shouldn’t have turned away from her but he couldn’t believe that she’d put herself in danger like that.

Actually, it was quite the opposite. He could believe it. He knew exactly why she’d done it and that she would do it again and that’s what made him so angry. For years, they’d been friends and he’d hated seeing her in danger then, but now it was so much worse. They’d only been dating for a few months, but he knew his life would never be the same. He loved her more than words could express. Even him, with his endless dictionaries of thoughts and quotes and statistics. Nothing could’ve prepared him for the depth of this feeling and seeing her there tonight, in the line of fire without a care for her own safety…it had undone him. He’d never been more afraid. 

When he went outside to try and talk to her again, he found the apartment empty. “Y/N?” He called. 

No answer.

Picking up his phone, he felt his heart begin to race. He texted her and waited a few minutes, hearing nothing before he called. “Y/N, where are you? Are you okay? I didn’t hear you leave. Please, just call me and let me know that you’re okay.”

As he replayed their fight over and over again in his head, he waited for her call but heard nothing. The night was getting darker and although he knew she could take care of herself, his mind still jumped to the worst possible scenario. He paced the floors, looking at his phone every five seconds and then he couldn’t take it anymore.

Again, he picked up the phone calling the only person he could in this situation. “Garcia?”

“Boy Wonder? Are you okay?”

“No, Y/N and I had a fight and she left the apartment. I have no idea where she is. She isn’t answering my calls and I’m getting worried,” he said quickly, asking her without the question to find her for him. 

In the background, he could hear Garcia’s fingers slide delicately over the keyboard. “Everything is going to be okay. I’m sure she just went to go blow off some steam. Have you ever fought like this before?”

“Not like this,” he said as he rubbed his temple. “We’ve had a few fights, but nothing like this. What if something happened to her, Garcia?”

He could tell by her tone that she was wondering the same thing, but she knew exactly what to say. “She’s Y/N. She can take care of herself. I bet she’s just- ah-ha! Found her. She’s at the Express 8 Motel outside of town. Checked into room 23 for the night.”

“Thank you, Garcia,” he said on a sigh. At least he knew where she was. “I’m going to go talk to her.”

“Don’t let her go, Spencer. You two are made for each other.” 

That’s why tonight had scared him so much. “I know. She just scared me tonight. I lost it. I…I love her, Garcia.”

“I know you do.” They hadn’t been dating for long, but it was long enough. “The deeper the love the scarier it is,” she replied. “But that’s the price you pay.”

Before he hung up, he thanked her again, promising to text her as soon he saw that Y/N was okay and then he headed out the door. Being scared for her wasn’t an excuse for the way he’d spoken to her; he just hoped she would accept his apology. 

——

Nearly two hours after storming out of the apartment, she heard frantic knocking on the door. At first, she wasn’t going to get up. She was physically and emotionally exhausted and wanted nothing more than to pass out, but the knocking wouldn’t stop.

As she slogged over to the door, she looked through the hole to see her boyfriend of three months. Reluctantly, she opened the door. “Oh thank god,” he sighed, wrapping his arms around her. “You weren’t answering your phone.”

“Because I wanted to be left alone,” she replied flatly. “Spencer, I’m tired. I need to not do this right now.”

“You scared me.”

“I just needed some space to breathe.”

“No, I mean tonight,” he replied. “Y/N, you have no idea what went through my head when I saw you in there tonight.”

“You were angry, I know,” she responded, walking toward the bed again. 

“No, I love you. I was petrified,” he said quickly, swallowing hard when he realized what he’d said. Sure, they loved each other and always had, but it was different now. Now, it meant something else. 

Her mouth dropped open at his confession, her mouth dry. “What?”

“Seeing you there…You know how you supposedly see your life flash before your eyes before you die? That’s how I felt. In an instant, I thought I could lose you and if I lost you, I’d lose myself. Everything I’ve ever imagined for us.” He stepped toward her, grasping her delicate fingers in between his own and gently pulling her against him. “We’ve been friends for years, but now I know the scent of your skin and the feel of your lips and I…I don’t want to live without them. I want the whole nine yards. The dress, the marriage, the kids, the white picket fence. And I want it all with you. When I saw you there, that possibility, that I could lose you, became a probability and I couldn’t…” He trailed off, the worst possible outcome jumping to the forefront of his mind.

“Spence, this is the job. We’re both going to be putting our lives on the line. If you can’t handle that, we can’t be together.”

Sighing, he kissed her forehead. “It’s not that. I know. It pains me, but I know. It was that you were told to stay put and you went anyway. It doesn’t surprise me. It’s one of the many reasons I’m in love with you. Your selflessness, but that doesn’t mean that my heart doesn’t stop when I see you in danger.”

A tear stung at the corner of his eye as she wrapped her arms around him. “I love you too, Spence. When I see you in harm’s way, I get the same feeling, but this is what we do, so we’re going to have to find a way to live with it, okay?”

“I know,” he whispered as the rocked back and forth in each other’s arms amidst the drab motel room. “That wasn’t the way I planned that.”

“What? Saying you love me?” She asked. Though her head was buried in his chest, he could hear the smile in her voice.

He nodded against her and held her tight. “Yes. I pictured saying it this weekend. On our museum date.”

“Sorry to put a crimp in your plans,” she laughed. “But I love you too. So much it scares me.”

“Me too,” he replied. “I’m sorry I yelled at you. You didn’t deserve that.”

“No, but I understand and I’ll forgive you.”

As they stepped further into the room, Spencer grabbed Y/N’s hand and led her toward the bed while he texted Garcia with the other. “Just letting Garcia know we’re okay.”

She shouldn’t have been surprised that that was how he’d found her. When they collapsed on the bed, she sunk into his embrace. Even when she walked into that house, she knew the risks - the possibility that she would never see the man she loved again, but that was always the risk. All she could do now, all either of them could do, was take each day as it came and embraced it for all its little moments.


End file.
